Congress Authorizes Drone Strikes On Teachers Unions

Also denounces using students as human shields
By Stacy Cohen | 2014.08.16

Late night action in the Senate and House of Representatives yielded a bill that would authorize domestic drone strikes on teachers unions across the country. It is believed that the move is in direct response to the American Federation of Teachers giving its members the freedom to critique or replace the Common Core academic standards. The AFT announced this shift in July after years of adhering to the Common Core.

Apparently, that development did not sit well with Congress, who has been battling accusations of not being able to be effective in legislating over the course of the last year or so. Despite earning the reputation of not being able to reach across the aisle for bi-partisan bills, the new law handily passed the House and the Senate with overwhelming support from both Democrats and Republicans. Once the bill is signed into law, it is expected that the military will begin targeting the unions within the lowest performing school districts.

Not surprisingly, the bill also contained language that warned teachers against using students as human shields once the bill is in effect. It is expected that teachers will likely group students into classrooms to protect themselves, knowing full well that the high concentration of teachers at school buildings will likely mean they are at higher risk during the day.

Teachers protested the passage of the bill on Capitol Hill today, arguing that they are being unfairly targeted, and that they are just trying to do what is best for the students. In typical teacher union fashion, students were once again brought to the rally to try to drum up sympathy for their cause. Many students voiced their support for their teachers, but it is believed that most of them were reading from scripts provided to them by the unions.

There is still a possibility that the law could be vetoed, but with the strong support of the Democrats and Republicans, it is unlikely that the bill will be overturned.